The Story of Zhang Guolao 张果老 and the Alligator

Once upon a time, there was a wise old man named Zhang Guolao. He was one of the Eight Immortals, magical beings in Chinese stories who could do amazing things. Zhang Guolao was famous for riding a magical white mule that could travel super fast and even fold up like paper when he didn’t need it. He also knew several types of karate.

One day, Zhang Guolao came to a village near a big river. The villagers were really scared because a giant alligator (or maybe it was a dragon—stories sometimes say different things) was causing trouble. This alligator would come out of the water, wreck the crops, bite people, and loudly tell racist jokes to anyone who would listen. The villagers didn’t know what to do, so they asked Zhang Guolao for help.

Zhang Guolao, being a kind and wise immortal, said, “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” He went to the riverbank and waited. Sure enough, the alligator came out of the water, roaring and thrashing around. But Zhang Guolao didn’t panic. He just pointed his finger at the alligator and said some magical words. A bright light came from his finger, and the alligator froze! It couldn’t move at all.

Then, Zhang Guolao talked to the alligator. He said, “Why are you causing so much trouble? You’re hurting people and making them afraid. You need to stop.” He gave the alligator a choice: keep being mean and get beaten up, or go back to the river and live peacefully.

The alligator thought about it and decided to listen to Zhang Guolao. It bowed its head, slipped back into the water, and promised to behave. From that day on, the river was calm, and the villagers were safe. They were so grateful to Zhang Guolao for saving them!

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What Does This Story Mean?

Sometimes, the best way to solve a problem isn’t by fighting or being mean. It’s by being kind, understanding, and giving people (or alligators!) a chance to change. This tends to work best when you reserve the right to beat them up if you want to.

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Freeze mothafucka!